Young, Sick and Invisible

My illness has shaped me,
But it does not define me.

'I wish I was better at telling people how I really feel.'

Tower of stones

If I tell you that I'm hurting

If I mention that I am in pain, or if I make some type of comment that I am uncomfortable, there shouldn't be any confusion or judgement.

I'm not saying it for fun, I'm not telling you so you'll feel sorry for me, and I certainly don't want your pity or attention.

I say it because it's true, and I don't complain often, so when I do it's because the pain is serious. I'm saying it so you'll be aware, in hopes that you will try to understand, or be gentle with me.

Try not to second guess my pain or judge me based on what I do. I know you don’t understand, but I need you to try, and I need you to believe me.

This leads me onto what I'm about to say next.

I got my results back a week or two ago (from my GP), I have a TSH level of 1.2 (October it was 1.28). However, on my sheet that stated my results it didn't tell me the T3 and T4 which should be included as it includes the thyroid testing (thoroughly). I looked back at my results from October and my T4 was 14.5, but the T3 was nowhere.

Overall my TSH level is in the 'normal range' but on the low low scale, as for my T4, its in its above normal and optimal.

I'll bring this all up at my next Hospital appointment, I just wish that she'll take into consideration my new symptoms as it all coincides with my results. It's not nice having eyebrow chunks fall out, hair falling out brittle nails and much, much more. (It's funny how we become Doctors and understand what this all means whereas before I'd have been like wha.)

What's sad is that sometimes we pray for a diagnosis as that's the only time we get answers, without one we are left in the dark. How low does life have to be to actually want to be diagnosed with something else ..? You want answers as to why all of this is happening to your body, why you feel like rubbish when you wake up, why sleep is sometimes the only peace you'll get, and even then it's disturbed with symptoms. I haven't been able to get a good nights sleep in days, waking up every two hours to go loo, and then taking about 30 minutes to go back to sleep with itchy fingers that don't stop, it's like a never ending itch that you can't just get.

I hope and pray that you all have a brilliant day, that it's painfree, but if not, that you find something eases that pain, like painting, cooking, spending time with family or pets.

Until next Monday,

Bethany S.

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